Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Twenty Questions

I'm having one of those weeks . . . a week in which I lie awake most of the night pondering a variety of questions. OK, I have one of those weeks nearly every week. I'm a horrible sleeper. But, I've read somewhere that you if you write everything down that is swirling around in your brain, it may actually allow your mind to release the questions for the time being with the trust that you will address them at a later and more appropriate moment.

So, with the hope of a decent night of slumber in my future, I present you with twenty questions that have me stumped. I welcome your feedback on any or all of them.

1. I voted for two of these men. I voted for the opponent of another. I have had a short conversation with one of them about a cheese platter. I interned for one of them and was in the same room as him on multiple occasions, but only officially ever met his cat (and his vice president . . . but the cat was more interesting). These men attacked one another on the campaign trail. They have wildly different ideas about policy and the role of government. But they have respect for one another and even have become friends. Why? Because E Pluribus Unum, which means "out of many, one." They are all Americans and love their country. My question is - how can I hang out with that entire crew all at once? Because that scene looks super awesome.

2. Statistically speaking, my life is more than halfway over. What books do I need to make sure I read before I cease to be on this planet?

3. When President Trump tweets about liddle' Bob Corker, what is the purpose of the apostrophe at the end of liddle?

4. Will I ever manage to get organized and do effective meal planning for my family so that we have healthy and well-rounded meals and snacks available on a regular basis?

5. Since Jared Kushner used a private email account to conduct official White House business, can we expect chants of "Lock Him Up" and a paper mache likeness of Kushner trapped in a cage on a float that onlookers find hilarious as part of a parade sometime soon?

6. For the seventh year in a row, am I going to be the only person in my office to be without a "plus one" at our annual holiday dinner?

7. Only the edges and one wall of my bathroom are painted in the color I selected shortly after moving into my home. It has been that way since last December because I cannot convince myself to take the couple of hours required and just finish the job. Because I hate painting. Will the two-tone, I'm-too-busy-living-my-best-life-to-finish-painting-a-small-room look take hold and find its way into the pages of Southern Living? Will I find that I simply was ahead of the trend?

8. If certain politicians believe it's their responsibility to legislate morality and protect the sanctity of marriage from a Biblical perspective, will they please finally propose legislation to outlaw divorce except in cases of adultery and abandonment?

9. When will my children finally sleep through the night? I was pretty sure that would be happening by now.

10. Would Ronald Reagan get elected by today's Republican primary voters? (OK -  I know the answer to that question. Nope.)

11. I love to exercise, but I rarely make time for it. If it is really was important to me, wouldn't I find the time at least to go for a run more often?

12. If God created us in His image, then why do we also learn that His ways are not our ways?

13. Is a person who insists on getting into a Twitter he said/she said battle with a grieving war widow really the best individual to be lecturing NFL players about how to show respect for our military?

14. Why did my generation never get a show as well done as The Wonder Years to capture life for a child of the 80s? (Do NOT come back at me with The Goldbergs.)

15. How exactly do you refine RINO, because right now it seems to mean "any Republican politician who has been in office for more than two seconds and has at least a marginal understanding of two or more major policy issues"?

16. How can I convince myself that I am worth it and finally demonstrate the will power to break my sugar addiction? (Curse you, Sour Patch Kids and brownies - Satan, get behind me!)

17. If I ever was forced to choose between Jake Ryan and Gilbert Blythe as the dark-haired fictional boyfriend of my preteen dreams, on which side would I ultimately fall?

18. Do kids have more allergies today than when I was a kid because we don't let them play outside all day and get super dirty with nature's mud and grime and therefore their systems are not forced to build up immunity to anything?

19. What are the chances that I will get to meet Alicia Keys someday and tell her how beautiful I think she is?

20. If not today, when? If not today, why not?

OK . . . got that out of my system. Here's hoping it works.